Dear Nicole

I'm available and completely yours for the taking. My wife has informed me she wants nothing more than to have a steamy hot passionate "relationship" with James Blunt. This has opened the door for me to profess my undying love for you. Ever since I watched you in Days of Thunder, I wanted you to bear my children. I know, not very romantic, but I was like 13 or something. As I've matured into a young adult, I've come to realize what love is and how to share it with the one person destined to be mine. I was foolish not to seek you out when you were in town months ago but I didn't want to bother your work. Look, I can be your Ashton Kutcher. You're old, I'm young and about Tom's height. I'm not a gold digger, I just want to have a steamy hot passionate "relationship" with you. I don't want your money nor fame. I just want some lovin'. So call me, we can have lunch and then....we'll use our imaginations.

WTF happened to the pool!

Man, people are touchy, edgy and easily annoyed. Look, I 'm far from zen-like(just ask my wife). I can get cranky and go from chill to pissed off in 4.2 seconds on some dumb ridiculously insignificant things but dude, what just happened before my eyes? Are these people really serious? I'm about to list the events that just unfolded infront of my eyes. For all of you who don't know, I joined the office American Idol pool, which ceases to exist and I'm left dumb-founded.
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Monday February 27, 2006 5:11 p.m.
Folks...

Due to circumstances beyond my control we will not be voting at all this week in the pool. More than half our players will be at a meeting in Florida Wednesday night and will not have an opportunity to watch the show.

In the interest of being fair I figure the best thing to do is to penalize no one and just resume the pool the following week.

Thanks,
The Pool Master

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 9:39 a.m. - A participant
As best as I can tell there will be 4 out of 21 in Florida hardly half, not even a third. All of these people when they signed on knew they would be in Florida this week.

I don’t think it’s fair to the rest of us who have made a commitment to watching the show or taping it or getting the highlights somehow.

So I am officially out of the pool!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 10:01 a.m. - Another participant
in your e-mail. You said more than half. Now it's only 4 people. I don't think it's fair.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 10:02 a.m. - Another participant
I have no problem with missing a week - especially since the Pool Master will be out of town on business and unable to tally everything up.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006 10:02 a.m. - Pool Master
Good riddance!

Folks... For exactly this kind of childish behavior the AI Pool is hereby cancelled for the season. I will not be running it again.

Thanks for your participation.

The "Ex" Pool Master
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Wow, what in the world just happened. What happened to good old fashion fun? Honestly, I could care less about missing a week. It's not that important to vote every week. I'll still watch the show and still be thinking about which four aspiring performers get the boot. On a side note, eye candy Becky was booted off(I never expected her to last very long) so that leaves me with Katherine to dream about. She needs to bring it on, because Ace is so damn good looking (smokin'hot might fit better) that he's getting all the attention(even from my wife!) Come on honey, where's your milkshake!

Those uncomfortable moments around parents

Over the weekend, we visited Camille's parents for her birthday celebration. We had an extremely good time, especially at the comedy club. But this is hardly why I'm writing. This in facts goes back months ago at her grandmothers house. Unfortunately for me, I experienced one of those moments you wish you weren't around to hear that, this past weekend which in turn reminded me about this last experience. It started when Camille left the room to get ready for the comedy club. We had just returned from a late lunch/early dinner and there were these two balloons from the restaraunt. Her mom grabbed both of them and said to her husband, "look, sperm." I was standing off to the side in the room. Now that's not the most embarrassing situation but still, I didn't want to hear Camille's mom reference sperm. However, this reminded me of the time I was stuck watching TV with Camille's grandmother and her mom. Don't get me wrong, I never feel like I'm stuck with Camille's grandmother or mom. I enjoy the time we all spend together. However, watching American Pie 2, with all its sexual humor, is quite embarrassing. Lets see, the peeing on Stifler's head wasn't so bad but the scene with the alleged lesbians almost killed me. Oh, and where was Camille you ask, in the other room with her aunt messing around on the computer. So there I was stuck in the room watching this movie and I wanted to die because of the embarrassment. I even resorted to fake sleeping just so I didn't look like I was enjoying the movie or see their faces. I hate watching movies or shows with such references around family. With my brothers is one thing but around parents and grandparents is a whole other story.

I'll take "a la carte" please

Now we're talking. If I could get rid of all th channels I don't watch, that would be great. Sure I could program the tivo and cable box not to give me the channels I don't like or watch but I still have to pay for them. In order to get all the channels I want, I pay heavily for some packaged deal. Of course, if I had the package I really wanted, I'd be paying out of my ass for cable. Come on, what am I going to do with latin channels, the local montgomery county channel and the CSPAN's. Look I really like ESPN but I don't need ESPN news or classic, two is enough. The weather channel is unnecessary, I can check the website (another pretty penny for high speed interent). You know, it's so much easier this way, I need channels 20 and 23(or whatever the CW will be), 24, 25, 27, 29, 35, 36, 42,42, 44(hockey mondays and tuesdays), 47, 48, 51, 57, 62(need at least on news channel), 66, 69, and 75. The rest of the channels are fillers. It wouldn't break my heart if they weren't available. I don't mind having the Encore movie channels and I can occasionally sit through a show on MTV or VH1. My wife would probably want some additional channels but for me, this is it. So Comcast, how much would you charge me for this lineup?

On demand is getting better but it's far from great. How about a pay per view with tv shows. Forget the flat fees for packages. Just set everyone up with a box and charge for each show. On second thought, don't do that. You'd probably charge $5 a show and with my weekly must see list, I'd hit $70 a week easily. Oh and advertising woud go down the tubes. You'd probably have to throw in 15 minutes of advertising before the shows like they do now for movies. Luckily, the tivo handles that problem with ease. I almost don't know what it feels like anymore to sit and watch the commercials.

Okay, so why now?

Back in 2002???The latest report released states that the US twarted an al Qaeda attack in LA back in 2002. Um, it's 2006, why even bring it up. Losing face on the war on terror are we? I don't care. It happened so long ago it's irrelevant. I don't even know what the importance of the release.

I love this answer

The joys of Yahoo answers. I love to contribute to the endless questions that really don't have any definitive answers. Really, all questions have answers but the great deal of questions about controversial topics depend on personal beliefs. My lastest contribution:

Is my marriage valid?
We had a ceremony with a reverend but under in no way was it religious. All references to a god/religious icons were omitted. I ask because it seems to me that marriage is defined by the bible and used as the source to protect the sanctity of marriage. Doesn't my marriage threaten the sanctity of marriage because it's not valid under the eyes of god? If so, why aren't the opponents of same sex marriages fighting to stop all non relgious unions?

And soon to be the best answer:
Absolutely not. You should both be executed in front of a firing squad because clearly you're out to undermine all the laws of the universe. You're also involved in a biracial relationship and as we've learned over the years, these are just destined for failure. The only thing to make your marriage even less valid is for you to marry a biracial man at the courthouse.God clearly is about the small details as so many people are so adept at point out. Forget the idea of love. Who needs it.In Jesus's Name, Blessed Be!

Why, because it's the funniest answer I've seen. Sure I would have given it to the most serious and well thought out answer, but honestly, the guy/chick has way too many points so I'm awarding the lol answer. Of course I totally know who answered this question and he shall remain nameless.

Ha! This time you're it!!!!

Finally, I'm gonna beat you all to the punch. I hate being tagged and in this case I wasn't tagged. I sorta kinda took it from Kate.

Four Places I've Lived:
Medina, OH
Fort Lewis, WA
Camp Hovey, Republic of Korea
Gaithersburg, MD

Four Jobs I've Had:
cook - Perkins
server – Shoney’s
Human Resources Specialist
Administrative Assistant

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:
Major League
Grosse Pointe Blank
Star Wars Episodes IV-VI (I know those are three movies, I just couldn’t make up my mind)
A Few Good Men

Four TV Shows You Love:
Battlestar Galatica
Lost
Stargate SG-1
Smallville

Four Places You've Been on Vacation:
Ocho Rios, Jamaica
Burlington, Ontario/Toronto
Orlando, FL – Can you guess what?
New York City – Well, maybe not, that was more for my wife

Four Websites You Visit Daily:
Washington Post
ESPN
Yahoo Answers
CNN – it’s a cop out. I couldn’t but a list of my daily porn sites

Four Of Your Favorite Foods:
Chicken fajita buritto from Chipotle
Chicken teriyaki from Happy Teriyaki(aka Happy Kitty)
lots and lots of shrimp
Mint chocolate chip ice cream

Four Places You'd Rather Be:
Seattle
Paris
Cedar Point
Middle Earth

Four Albums You Adore:
Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dreams
The Killers - Hot Fuss
Weezer - Pinkerton
The Smashing Pumpkins – Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Four People to Tag:
Camille
Phillip
Kimmmmmmm
Evolver

Best Anwers

I love signing in to yahoo answers and see that I've earned a bunch of points. I'm slowly making my way to 1,000 points and level three. It helps to be voted or chosen as the best answer. I haven't had as much fun with it as Phillip has. I've seen some pretty crazy answers to some questions and can only say to myself, what in the world is this person thinking. Of course, I'm not perfect and I pick and chose the questions I answer.