Monday, July 17, 2006

Missing that little space

I really miss that little space I called a bedroom when I was growing up. It was my personal safe haven. I'd play my music and write in my notebooks. I even had the glow in the dark stars all over my ceiling and two stuck on the ceiling fan. I could turn off the lights, stare at the fake me out stars and dream away.

Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of space in our house. The game room is too distracting and crowded. The living room is too big and open. The office is under construction. The spare bedroom might work and even the master bedroom might work. I just don't feel the creative energies in those rooms. In fact, I really don't sense them anywhere in the house. Poop on the creative energies. Why are you so hard to find?

I never seemed to have this creative problem back in my youth. I was never that distracted by television, video games, movies, sports or anything else that I can't think of right now. I always found the time to write. One reason could be that writing was an escape for me and I don't need that escape now. I love to write but that love hasn't produced anything in a long time. For the first time, I've cooked up a complete story. I know exactly where the story begins and ends. I know my cast of characters and what awaits them. I've played the story out in my head and reworked it several times. Now I just need a gadget that can take my thoughts and put them in a notebook or a word document. I could just shut the hell up and stop whining about a "comfort" space. I'm not scared of writing. I never have been. This is the easiest form of communication for me. I wish I could write to everyone and never speak a word. I hate talking, especially verbal conversation.

My nickname during my brief stint on the high school wrestling team was "mute." I didn't feel the need to speak to anyone. I was there to wrestle and that's all I wanted to do. I didn't want anything to do with anyone of the team. I didn't particularly like them even though I knew most of them from my days on the Jr High team.

At work, I prefer emails. I really don't like picking up the phone and talking. I only do it because I have to and its not that terrible. I simply prefer email.

I feel like I missing something in my life and it's that little space where I feel comfortable enough to write and eager to get back to that space when I have to leave for whatever reason. Of course, it will all have to wait for two more weeks. I'll be extremely busy with bartending school. Thanks to my job, I'm going to bartending school which will eat up my nights for the next two weeks. I have this feeling I won't be in the mood to do anything productive on the weekends. However, I do see myself writing furiously, listening to music and sitting in the bedroom. Hmmm, maybe it's a vision of the future.

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