Dear Nicole

I'm available and completely yours for the taking. My wife has informed me she wants nothing more than to have a steamy hot passionate "relationship" with James Blunt. This has opened the door for me to profess my undying love for you. Ever since I watched you in Days of Thunder, I wanted you to bear my children. I know, not very romantic, but I was like 13 or something. As I've matured into a young adult, I've come to realize what love is and how to share it with the one person destined to be mine. I was foolish not to seek you out when you were in town months ago but I didn't want to bother your work. Look, I can be your Ashton Kutcher. You're old, I'm young and about Tom's height. I'm not a gold digger, I just want to have a steamy hot passionate "relationship" with you. I don't want your money nor fame. I just want some lovin'. So call me, we can have lunch and then....we'll use our imaginations.